Welcome to Taco Hell

Yes, it has been a while. Get over it.

I like Taco Bell. Well, I like Taco Bell when they don't suck. Their chicken quesadillas are delicious, and you can't go wrong with nachos. So when I head to Taco Bell I usually get a chicken quesadilla (sometimes steak, depending on my mood) and an order of nachos or two. Usually the only problems I have with Taco Bell are with its less than talented staff.

Here's one thing I get almost every time I go. After ordering the quesadilla I say I'd also like an order of nachos. The answer invariably comes back, "just the chips and cheese, right?" Have you looked at your menu lately? I'm reading from it verbatim, it says "NACHOS", I'm not trying to describe what I want you to make me, I'm reading the menu item that I would like to have, so where is the confusion? When I go to Wendy's and ask for a double bacon cheeseburger I don't hear "you mean the hamburger meat patty, slice of cheese, and bacon strips all juxtaposed between two bread buns?" No. You know why I don't hear that every time? Probably because they've heard of a bacon cheeseburger before, probably because it's on their effing menu.

Now, before you all go "but David Taco Bell offers more than one variety of... blah blah blah..." I'm AWARE that Taco Bell has different Nacho-oid menu items. I don't care, they all have different names and the reason they all have different names is so that the consumer can communicate to the vendor what item they want without the need for follow up questions. If I said I want nachos when I meant 7-layer Nachos I only have myself to blame when I am handed chips and cheese in all their 1-layer glory.

I have more. This happened a few weeks back. I was in the mood for a quesadilla, but was unsure if I wanted chicken or steak. Since the price is the same I thought I'd go for broke and ask for half and half. Here's the following dialogue between the drive through box guy and I:

Me: Yeah I'd like a quesadilla, chicken on one side and steak on the other. Can you do that?
Box Guy: (thick Latino accent) ... um, you want a chicken quesadilla, half chicken half beef?
Me: Uh... sure (if it helps you to refer to it in that way)

So when I get back to the office I try my best to observe the innards of my quesadilla to see if they got it right. I see chicken on both sides of the quesadilla. So it looks like they just threw it all together and didn't bother with separating the meats on each side. Whatever, beggars can't be choosers and I figured I'd cut my losses and move on. So, as I'm eating I realize that the quesadilla just doesn't taste right. I open it up and I don't see any steak, instead I see TACO MEAT. Not only that, the whole thing looks like nothing short of a soiled diaper. Into the trash it goes and I have not since tried special ordering my quesadilla.

More on Taco Bell's nachos... I don't know if you have looked at their nacho menu and pricing lately, but here's how it goes...

Triple Layer Nachos 79¢
Beefy 5-Layer Nachos 89¢
7-Layer Dip Nachos 99¢
Nachos $1.19

Notice anything wrong here??? Why are they punishing us simpletons who only want freaking chips and cheese? It's like, "here's some chips and cheese and for an extra 20 cents less we can throw on some meat and salsa and sour cream and guacamole." "Well what if I don't want all that?" "Then you pay more, that's how it works, the more you want the less you pay." There ya go folks, it's like Supply and Demand of bizzaro world's economy.

Next time I'm going to ask for the Triple Layer Nachos, hold everything but the cheese.